Understanding Engineers One Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers Two To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers Three A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers Four What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers Five The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers Six Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers Seven Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers Eight An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are all asleep in their own hotel rooms. A fire breaks out in each bathroom. The engineer wakes up, sees the fire, douses it with all the water he can find, throws down some towels and goes back to sleep. The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, estimates the burn rate and amount of material involved, fills up a cup of water with just the right amount of water. He pours the water on the fire so that the last little bit of water reduces the fire to a smoldering pile. Goes back to sleep. The mathematician wakes up, sees the fire, and does a precise volumetric analysis of the materials involved. He also solves the differential equation regarding the burn rate. He fills up a graduated cylinder with precisely the amount of water needed to quench the fire. He pours the water on the fire, and the very last drop puts out the fire. Goes back to sleep. The engineer's fire, being OUT, does not rekindle. However a few hours later, the fires in the physicist and mathematician's rooms flare up once again. The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, shrugs his shoulders and douses the fire with all the water he can find, throws down some towels and goes back to sleep. The mathematician wakes up, sees the fire, and does a precise volumetric analysis of the materials involved. He also solves the differential equation regarding the burn rate. He fills up a graduated cylinder with precisely the amount of water needed to quench the fire. He pours the water on the fire, and the very last drop puts out the fire. Having reduced the problem to one already solved, he goes back to sleep.
Key board reimbursement? Thanx to you that is another key board dowsed with hazelnut coffee that will never be the same!!!
Keyboard WP, here you go - 100% Waterproof, spillproof, dishwasher safe keyboards, mice and TV remotes about $40.
One of my favorites since it involves HVAC An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place." So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
My take I am working with an engineer on a one million dollar change out of commercial 1980 Trane centrifugals. The good news is that we talk like friends and he listens to me. He tells me what is possible, I tell him what works. Five years ago our facility put in a heat exchanger that was supposed to save us energy in the winter. It NEVER worked. (I hate Bray motorized valves). The new stuff I recommended will probably reduce our energy consumption 50%. Hint: there is no oil in the system. Hint #2 There is no palpable friction in the entire system. We will remove the system installed 5 years ago that never worked.
There are things I do not get Like: Why did Vincent not get glasses. Pardon me, I did not hear the responce.
